I have broken down my course into five steps so that it is easy for anybody to follow, no matter how damaged or broken their marriage is. Following a brief introduction to some of the most common issues that lead to breakups, I launch right into the first step … changing yourself first.

Only after you can make the necessary changes in you can you address the bigger issues that are affecting your marriage. In Marriage Saving Solution, I teach you how to identify the problems that are unique to your marriage and what you personally can do to prepare yourself to address them.

The next step is to identify the things that are working in your marriage and those that aren’t. The purpose is to learn how to neutralize destructive patterns within your marriage before they can cause fatal damage. These include such practical hands-on techniques as conflict resolution and learning how to argue more productively.

The third step of the Marriage Saving Solution is to build solid communication with your partner and work toward resolving conflict more effectively. One of the most common causes of broken marriages is that each partner has absolutely no idea what the other is thinking or what they want out of the partnership. I teach you how to reestablish lines of communication and work to find solutions together that benefit both parties.

The fourth step is to work on establishing the foundations of friendship. When you learn to work together to build a friendship first, other elements such as sex and intimacy can more easily follow suit. I teach you the best ways to have fun together again, including plenty of fun and exciting tips and exercises.

The last step is called “Compromise and Commitment on the Way to Lasting Love”. Here you will find an in-depth discussion of the origin of your expectations and how to better achieve these in practical terms within the parameters of your life together. You also will learn how to identify changes and overcoming the challenges most people face while living together.

Finally, there is a meaningful look at the roles that forgiveness, responsibility and trust play in a healthy, productive marriage.

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Every couple is unique in their style of arguing. Some engage in a verbal tug of war, exchanging hurtful comments back and forth and with increasing viciousness until both sides end up hurt, offended and not talking to each other.

Other couples take the silent approach. You can tell whenever there is a conflict between them because there is absolute silence in the home. Unable or unwilling to address the underlying issues, like shy turtles they go back into their shells and hide until the whole thing blows over.

Still others enjoy the conflict, even thrive on it. These are the couples who have knocked down, dragged out fights that usually end with a few broken dishes or an overturned piece of furniture or two.

None of these fighting styles or right or wrong. As long as a couple reaches resolution of their issues, how they arrive there is less important than that they get there eventually.

Over time, couples learn what they can say and what they can’t say during a fight. It’s possible to be forceful without being offensive. In the same way, you can attack the other person without hitting below the belt. It’s simply a matter of knowing where the belt is located and staying above it.

In some cases, one person takes a defensive position by default. So even the most innocuous comment can become offensive. When this happens, the other person usually spend most of their time watching what they are saying and walking on egg shells around the other person, which obviously is not ideally conducive to a positive, loving relationship.

Perhaps you are the one who keeps putting their defenses up. If this is the case, try stopping your negative reaction as soon as you recognize it, even if your spouse seems to keep provoking you.

Other times, it’s a matter of keeping control of your argument before it snowballs into something that you can’t stop. When you find yourself in a runaway train of a fight, the best option is often to get out of the way and hope that the damage it causes is minimal.

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You don’t have to go to extremes in order to spice up your sex life. Despite what you might see on late night cable television, most people are relatively conservative in their sexual mores. So trying to do too much too soon is just as bad a strategy as not trying to do enough or anything at all.

The best ways to improve the pleasure of your sexual encounters are often the simplest. Do something to set a romantic mood in your bedroom. For example, throw a red towel or blanket over the reading lamp or light some candles to set a seductive mood. Even a new sexy outfit can add spice and variety to your lovemaking.

Memory is also a powerful aphrodisiac. Look back on your sexual history and revisit some of the highlights. Did you once make love in an exotic location or do something particular naughty when you were younger? Why not try to reconnect with that past memory to excite your partner’s inner passion.

Pay attention to the ways your spouse responds to your touching, kissing, patting, pinching and tickling during lovemaking. You probably will learn more from non-verbal communication than you would by simply asking the other person outright what turns them on the most.

Finally, it’s okay to take risks once in a while. Probably, the worst that will come of it is that you will share a good laugh together. Rent that sexy movie that caught your curiosity or suggest that you play a sexy game together. If you catch your spouse in the right mood, it could lead to some passionate, intimate adventures.

Be romantic by using flowers, candles, back rubs and other techniques to stimulate your partner. But don’t be afraid to play the naughty card as well. Do something new together or engage in a new way of lovemaking that will be memorable for both of you.

Couples that stay together for many decades tend to share a common trait: They both know what they want out of their lives and out of their marriage. This extends to the bedroom. If you or your partner are dissatisfied with your sex life, it’s important that you do something about it before it’s too late.

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Yet working together to build both a solid friendship and a healthier sexual relationship with your partner is essential to the success of any long-term marriage. Without sex, your spouse is essentially your roommate. You want more out of your relationship than just sharing the same roof.

Besides intimacy, sex also is connected to commitment. The act of lovemaking is simultaneously the act of expressing the love you have for your spouse in a primal, physical, deeply personal way.

That doesn’t mean that every sexual encounter has to be a “10”. That’s not realistic. Still, the act must be genuine and sincere.

There are a lot of factors that can interfere with the effectiveness of sex as an expression of intimacy and commitment with your partner. First, as we get older, our bodies don’t respond the same way they do to sexual stimuli. Plus, aging causes changes in the bodies of both partners. So attraction may not be as ardent as it was during the early days of the relationship.

Then there’s the familiarity of the sexual encounter itself. After several years … or decades … of marriage, you’ve probably done everything with your spouse that you would care to do, tried every position and everything you could think of to spice up your sex life.

And then there’s entire world outside the bedroom that can interfere with your sex life. Anxiety about family, career, finances, the state of the world and a hundred other things can find their way into your bed and get between you and your spouse.

But what if the problem is that your marriage itself is eroding? How will that effect your sex life? If you don’t take steps early to address this, it can effectually ruin your intimacy, possibly forever.

The first step to reviving your sex life is to make sure that any other areas of your health that may be affecting your sex life are addressed. For example, if the man is suffering from erectile dysfunction, he needs to speak with his doctor because this usually is an indication of circulatory problems. While this can be addressed in the short term with drugs like Viagra and Cialis, left untreated it could affect his overall health.

Secondly, it’s tie to begin to restore your marital contentedness in order to reignite your sexual relationship to where it once was. This begins by opening the lines of communication between the two of you.

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