All couples argue at some point in their marriage or another. But the most successful couples know how to argue, how to prevent arguments from getting out of control, and where the boundaries lie.
Every couple is unique in their style of arguing. Some engage in a verbal tug of war, exchanging hurtful comments back and forth and with increasing viciousness until both sides end up hurt, offended and not talking to each other.
Other couples take the silent approach. You can tell whenever there is a conflict between them because there is absolute silence in the home. Unable or unwilling to address the underlying issues, like shy turtles they go back into their shells and hide until the whole thing blows over.
Still others enjoy the conflict, even thrive on it. These are the couples who have knocked down, dragged out fights that usually end with a few broken dishes or an overturned piece of furniture or two.
None of these fighting styles or right or wrong. As long as a couple reaches resolution of their issues, how they arrive there is less important than that they get there eventually.
Over time, couples learn what they can say and what they can’t say during a fight. It’s possible to be forceful without being offensive. In the same way, you can attack the other person without hitting below the belt. It’s simply a matter of knowing where the belt is located and staying above it.
In some cases, one person takes a defensive position by default. So even the most innocuous comment can become offensive. When this happens, the other person usually spend most of their time watching what they are saying and walking on egg shells around the other person, which obviously is not ideally conducive to a positive, loving relationship.
Perhaps you are the one who keeps putting their defenses up. If this is the case, try stopping your negative reaction as soon as you recognize it, even if your spouse seems to keep provoking you.
Other times, it’s a matter of keeping control of your argument before it snowballs into something that you can’t stop. When you find yourself in a runaway train of a fight, the best option is often to get out of the way and hope that the damage it causes is minimal.
If you and your spouse haven’t figured out how to fight with each other reasonably and positively, or if you have already crossed the boundaries so many times you don’t know how you are ever going to be able to make things better, then you need to check out my new guide, “Marriage Saving Solution”.
In this helpful, actionable guide you will learn everything you need to disagree with each other without allowing it to become disagreeable. You also will learn how to approach every aspect of your marriage so that you always have mutual respect for each other and you never cause permanent damage that undermines the very foundation of your life together.
